Architectures of Connection
Creating a space to be together. Photo credit: Unsplash.com
“We need a new dreaming, because we never did create a space to be together. ”
Divide and conquer. It’s what colonizers do. They don’t set out to co-plan how the confluence of two cultures could work for all involved. Aboriginal leader Carol Innes spoke of this at a Presencing Institute global gathering in 2020. She told of how colonizers arrived and began living in Australia, imposing their culture in just this way. And notice that what she asked for is not just some intellectual planning session, but a dreaming. In her culture, dreaming connotes a deeper visioning, one that is informed by everyone present, the land, and the ancestors. How is it that everyone is currently expected to live together, to be together and get along somehow without this?
Because of our global history of conquest, we stand divided today across every continent on earth.
As long as we remain divided, we are easy to manipulate. As long as we expend our energy taking sides and erecting defenses, there won’t be much left to see the agency we actually have — or the common causes we share. Only by taking time to really see and hear one another, and by getting a sense of each other’s lives, will we be able to dream together about our common future.
Architectures of Separation go beyond the built environment. Photo: Steven Schafer
MIT professor, action researcher and Presencing Institute Founder, Otto Scharmer, speaks of "Architectures of Connection” that are sorely lacking in our uncivil society at this moment. We have been led to believe that the “other side” is a monolith, and one whose motives we shouldn’t trust. Our attempts to level the playing field for fairness’ sake have been politicized, and our politics projected back on to us by news and social media as though it were our full identity. These divisive methods may sell news and grab votes, but they are also the “Architectures of Separation”— the very things that split us apart and leave us wondering who we can trust.
“In evading my humanity you have done something to your own humanity.”
Detoxing Our Moral Imaginations
In addition to new social architectures, this building of a new future requires us first to dream of a better, more inclusive world - to exercise our moral imagination. But, our imaginations have been warped by the defensive walls that we have built around ourselves, that also confine and distort our image of each other. Writing about the divisions of racism, author James Baldwin pointed out the corrosive nature of this in The Uses of The Blues: “In evading my humanity you have done something to your own humanity.” What, exactly, we have done to our humanity is made clear by James K.A. Smith in Image Journal: “My imagination needs to undergo detoxification, not just for the sake of the other but because it corrodes my own soul.”
So Practically, What Can We Do?
If we commit to re-educating our perceptions of each other, we often find ourselves letting go of things that had been obstacles to relating. Here is a 3-step Architectures of Connection process that is simple, though not easy; complex, though not complicated:
Listening Carefully. Photo: Cineberg@Canva.com
Step One: Unconditional Witness
In the dominant culture of the USA we are trained to look away from people who are different. “Don’t stare!” or "It's not polite to eavesdrop!" my mother used to tell me as a child, any time my curiosity about others became obvious. Staring and eavesdropping may not be the most polite, but if we can’t even look or listen, how can we initiate a conversation? The impoliteness can be resolved by observing with honest curiosity and respect. Unconditional Witness means committing ourselves to really seeing and hearing what’s going on — the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. (For specifics on improving your listening, see DM Gilsdorf's detailed post, Is Anyone Really Listening).
Step Two: Unconditional Sensing
In English, we use the word “feelings” to refer to both emotions and body sensations. Neither one is particularly valued in our cultural norms, which instead promote awareness of our thoughts. This has the side effect of leaving us unaware of vital clues from our bodies that would help us empathize with others. In fact Thomas Hübl uses the term “over-mentalization” to describe a trauma defense of prioritizing cognition over bodily sensation and emotion. It’s meant to numb us to the pain of our surroundings. We’re also offered numbing in the form of screens, shopping, and substances. Or, we spiritually bypass the hard stuff, instead looking for bliss in a yoga or meditation practice. Unconditional Sensing is agreeing to feel whatever emotions arise from leaning in to the reality we see and hear. These may be uncomfortable, but they are necessary, and the more we practice this, the more stamina we can build and the deeper the understandings we can discover.
Once we have expanded our capacity to witness and sense each other, we may just find ourselves ready to let go of our warped images of one another and take down the divisions that keep us from our dreams.
Step Three: Letting Go to Let Come
Imagine that you’re on a busy street and you see a small child about to run into traffic. The moral situation is clear no matter who you are because it’s a child, so let’s trust your imagination. As my colleague, Leidene King puts it, “If you saw this about to happen, you wouldn’t need to think about it. You’d know what to do.” You see the child. You hear the traffic. Your body senses that the situation is urgent and you feel its alarms. You let go of whatever normally holds you back — self-consciousness, ego, propriety — and act in an instant.
You have the sense of knowing what to do, authentically and intuitively. Photo: Kieferpix@canva.com
This sense of knowing what next step to take, authentically and intuitively, is called “action confidence.” It’s informed by the witnessing and sensing of steps 1 and 2. In practice, those steps can make everyday situations more morally clear, un-warping our imaginations and releasing steps that may not be as dramatic as saving the small child, but provide the foundation for respectful and trusting relationships. Action confidence is not about coming up with the perfect action in isolation; it’s about continuing your witnessing and sensing so you can be aware of how your actions are impacting those around you. Then you can reflect, improve, and try again. Often more letting go is needed, so that new ideas can come. It’s what educators call a growth mindset, and we can access it throughout our lives.
Connecting Across Differences of Identity, Geography & Politics is the Work of Our Time
Because our everyday realities encourage us to remain disconnected, we really do need to dream something different. And to do this we must first detox our moral imaginations by re-learning to witness and sense each other, across our differences. If not, we’ll continue to recreate new versions of our same reality, a recurring nightmare. And once we have expanded our capacity to witness and sense each other, we may just find ourselves ready to let go of our warped images of one another and take down the divisions that keep us from our dreams.
A Practical First Step: Set a New Year's Intention to develop your Architectures of Connection
And, if you’re looking for a community or a guide, come learn and practice these architectures of connection with me, via workshops, coaching or a movement practice group. They are not difficult, only unfamiliar — and they are basic human capacities that we can all learn to access.